Yesterday, a childhood friend of mine sent me a very old, black-and-white photo of her standing somewhere in a picturesque place. This must have been a school trip to a local attraction area. She is probably around 10-12 years old in that picture.
That photograph evoked so many childhood memories! An avalanche of various events that happened, and special moments where close people said or did something to me… It was really a moment of nostalgia.
Then it struck me how vividly I remembered some of the moments of my childhood. It was like it was just yesterday (and pssst – don’t tell anyone! – I am already over 40!) This led me to realise that what happens to us when we are children, stays with us forever. The events of our childhood are very, VERY important for our psychological construct.
That’s why, it is so important for us, parents, to be really mindful of:
- How we communicate with our children: are we understanding, playful, kind and loving? Can children feel relaxed, safe and playful in our company? Or do they have to watch their every step, and beware the punishment in case “that crumble falls”?
- What image of ourselves do we convey: are we strict and tough, or loving and guiding? What is more important for us: to be right, or to be loving?
- Are we attentive and respectful with our children: do we listen and observe them? Do we offer them guidance when asked, or do we impose our way of being on them regardless of their thoughts and feelings?
- Finally: are we present in their lives? Or… do their childminders, teachers and eventually, their peers play a bigger role than parents?
These are fundamental questions. They shape our children’s present and their future.
And – think about it – we as parents, we cannot ensure a safe, happy, playful, loving environment for our children, if we do not have the right conditions in the first place.
This is where the infamous phrase “before putting a mask on your child, put it on yourself first” comes into play.
A deeper layer to a mindful mother
In other words, before becoming a mother, a woman needs to carefully assess many different issues:
- Does she feel safe and happy with her husband? The role of the husband in a woman’s life cannot be underestimated. Are they good friends? Does she feel safe and cared for by him? Will she be willing to inspire him every day and forever, for his daily and lifetime achievements? Will she follow him wherever he goes?
- Is a woman generally happy in life? That can relate to her professional activity, her circle of friends, her house, her body, her interests and passions, even her character. Does she feel fulfilled? Does she like being on her own (which is a good indicator of whether she likes herself)?
- Does she have enough time? In other words, does she physically have enough time to create the space for her pregnancy, for her children? Or is her daily commute, working hours and after-work extra-curricular activities eat up her time?
- Does she want to, and is she ready to become a mother? This touches on many subjects, including: is she ready to take responsibility for another human being? Is she ready to significantly change her lifestyle? Does she know enough about birthing, upbringing children, be it from books or from own experience (being a sibling, assisting birthing of other children, etc)?
Once a woman has a good understanding of the points I outlined above, she can decide whether it is sensible for her to have children. Furthermore, if she conceives happily, willingly and consciously, rather than be drugged/drunk, forced, unwilling, depressed, etc., then the chances are, she will have a wonderful pregnancy and motherhood ahead of her.
Of course, some of us must go through an incredible amount of work in order to get to a good place, from which we can start having children in a happy and healthy way. Being a mother will require strong health and physical capacity, a very strong mental/emotional capacity, a big heart, and a lot of humor. 😊
I wish you all to step back every now and then and take a helicopter view on your life. Undertake a regular diagnostic test and see whether you are generally in a good place and do you provide a safe, fun, happy and loving ground for your children.
Above all – be happy (and healthy!)
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